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1 year update

2022.01.24 00:34 MontanaLivin406 1 year update

Hi everyone, I recently celebrated one year clean last week. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes of encouraging others to keep pushing through this. This is a long post but I hope it is helpful to someone.
I began using weed 15 years ago at the age of 12. It turned into a daily habit about 10 years ago. I’ve also used many drugs excessively including cocaine, amphetimines, mdma, and alcohol. I also have a long history of mental illness. I began taking an SSRI at the age of 16 to treat my depression. However, I had an adverse reaction to it and had to stop. I also tried taking Buspar 5 years ago to manage my anxiety and had a horrific reaction after stupidly taking mdma while on it(causing serotonin syndrome). Ever since then I’ve been a complete mess mentally and physically. Pretty much my entire life has been a struggle with drug addiction and mental illness.
Last year I had over a year clean from harder drugs but I was still struggling mentally so I decided to give up weed and alcohol as well. That’s when all hell broke lose. About a month into quitting I was hit with intense paws. I experienced every symptom in the book. Everything from intense pains, internal tremors, closed eye hallucinations, digestive issues, dp/dr, intrusive thoughts, crippling anxiety and the list goes on and on. This lasted at a high intensity for approximately 6 months when I began the wave phase. At about 8 months things got significantly better for me but at 9 months things went south again. Month 10 was manageable with most days notgreat. However at month 11 I suddenly began to feel normal again. This lasted for a few weeks and then I got a hit with another wave. Now at one year I am again feeling normal. My mind feels sharper than it has in a long time. I’m also able to work out hard and manage stress well. I even began my career as a software developer with a great job and moved to a mountain biking(my favorite hobby) destination. So overall, things are starting to look up for me. I even experienced a few days of intense euphoria where I couldn’t stop smiling. I’m still prepared for more suffering as I’m not out of this yet. It’s crazy how fast you can go from feeling great to feeling like the world is ending. But at least now I’m at a point where I feel confident that there is an end to this. I truly believe I will reach a point in my life where I will finally be free from addiction and mental illness. The problem that continues to plague me the most is social anxiety.
My reasons for sharing this story is to encourage people that are still early in their recovery. Dont worry about how long you used or what your mental state was before quitting. It does you no good worrying about how long it is going to take to get better. You can’t know for sure because everyone is different. The only thing that is sure is that it will get better. From what I’ve seen most people feel dramatically better at 1 year and feel mostly recovered at 2. So just take it one day at a time and trust that things will continue to improve for you. The things that worked best for me is low carb paleo diet, exercising, meditation, breathing exercises, cold showers, getting outside, long walks, and watching stand up comedy. I wish you all the best and thank you to everyone in this forum for giving me the strength to push through this.
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